I'm Back

The national nightmare is finally over.... I'm posting another blog. You can breathe again. It's been a long couple of months. I've been reshaping the book I already wrote, started at least three other projects, eaten my weight in pizza, and watched a ton of porn. Mostly just watched porn. But all that matters now is that I'm back. So rest easy, fair traveler, for I am here to guide you through the darkness.

I figured my first post had to be about college football, which kicks off in earnest today. I'm a little late to have a huge team by team preview, so I'll start off slow and give my Heisman and National Title picks. Now, those of you who remember my MLB predictions (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who read it) know that my baseball predictions haven't really gone to plan. But, a good prognosticator looks not to the past, but to the future. Shooters keep shooting, so let's go.

Heisman Trophy:

Using the last few years as a guide, I can safely say that Deshaun Watson, Clemson's dynamic QB and huge Heisman favorite, will not win the award. The preseason favorite pretty much never wins anymore, since the extreme expectations demand perfection every game. Even if he matches last season's stats, he'll have one game that's a little tough, be it an underdog that makes life difficult out of nowhere or someone like Florida State taking control of the ACC. The odds being in his favor means that the odds are not in his favor.

The basic formula for the last ten or so years is best QB from a top 5 team. Since Watson is ineligible due to being preseason favorite, I'm taking another dynamic QB who leads, I think, one of the three best teams in America

Pick: Baker Mayfield, Oklahoma

Now, as I'm writing this Oklahoma is predictably losing to Houston. It doesn't phase me, since 1. Oklahoma will always lose at least one big game a year, and 2. I picked Houston to win this game (no one can confirm this, but it's true). This OU team is too stacked for him not to put up huge numbers. Really, his campaign hinges on the game against Ohio State on September 17. If they win and he plays well, I think he's golden if they win the Big 12. If they lose and fall to 1-2, then it's over, and the Heisman will instead go to this guy.

2. Leonard Fournette, LSU

He's the best player (at least, best player that only plays on offense) in the country, and he leads, in my opinion, the best team in the country. He's a beast, no other way to put it. If LSU beats Alabama and makes the playoff and Oklahoma doesn't, look for Fournette to take the trophy.

3. Greg Ward, Jr., Houston

Just wanted to mention him here. Houston is a legit team, and I think they'll make the playoff (barring, of course, another slip up against my Uconn Huskies. Since we beat Houston last year, and they beat Oklahoma, and Oklahoma was a playoff team last year, does that mean we should make the playoff this year? Makes you think). I hate that smaller conferences never get any Heisman appreciation. If it was up to me, the trophy would have been officially retired after Colt Brennan's 2006 season. Houston will be good this year, and so will Greg Ward, Jr.

Wild Card Pick. Jabrill Peppers, Michigan

Defensive Player who definitely won't win. Myles Garrett, Texas A&M

Playoff Predictions

LSU vs. Houston

Oklahoma vs. Clemson

Title Game: LSU beats Clemson