Kobe starting the All-Star Game is so annoying

So last night the All-Star Game starters were announced, and with it came your annual reminder that fan voting is horrible. People who are pro-fan voting always say the All-Star Game is just an exhibition and is for the fans. Then why are All-Star appearances used for Hall of Fame credentials? Why do so many contracts have clauses that reward making the All-Star team? These games matter more than people want to admit. Well, they matter more than the people who are defending the inclusion of the 200th best player or whatever he is this season want to admit. It's just stupid to water down the rosters with players that, you know, are horrible. Why take away a spot from a player that actually deserves it this season? To reward a player that was good in the past but isn't anymore? Fan voting needs to be abolished, because we fans are brainless morons who almost voted Jeremy Lin to start one season.

I don't love the East results, but I'm not all that upset about them. I didn't have Carmelo starting, but he was going to make the team anyway. And while I don't think Dwyane Wade is an All-Star this season (his team plays better without him and it isn't good when I know I'm a better 3 point shooter than someone only because you can't possibly be worse than Wade is), I can at least understand his inclusion. He hasn't been actively horrible and the Heat are having a good season.

But Kobe? Why do people think he's an All-Star? He's pretty much dead last in everything. It just brings me to another thing I can't stand: retirement tours. They're just so nauseating. The Mariano Rivera circle jerk was probably the worst, but Jeter's is a close second. If you're going to retire, just retire. Don't announce it a full season ahead of time (coupled, of course, with a declaration the "I don't want a retirement tour" *wink, wink*). Don't be like those two super classy guys from the Yankees who totally didn't want to be recognized, but were sure to let everyone know they had a full season to give them love and adoration and probably gave each team a wish list of what crappy gift they wanted. What great guys! So selfless, right Yankee fans? Every retirement tour sucks, and I'm preemptively including the David Ortiz (one of my childhood heroes) tour, which somehow feels even more forced than the Kobe one. I can only hope that on the off chance Tom Brady ever retires he doesn't even announce it. I hope he just stops showing up one day, and everyone will know right then that it's over.