Which Shakespeare character would each Barstool writer be?

If you've read any of my previous posts, however unlikely that may be, I'm sure you can tell I am a fan of Barstool Sports. I am a "stoolie," as the kids say. Every day, I waste spend as much time as I can on the site, hoping to make the work day bearable.

Now, while Barstool does cover the majority of my interests, there are still a few things that I have passions for that do not appear regularly on the Stool. One of those is the work of William Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, and not in a "hey, look at me, I'm so cultured and sophisticated" way (well, I try not to be like that, anyway). I just really like the stories, and almost any line I can actually understand, I enjoy.

Weirdly, there isn't much overlap between Barstool and Shakespeare, so I decided to make some. Here is every major Barstool blogger and personality as one of the Bard's many characters:

El Pres- Richard III (Richard III)

A hunchback king who likes to make a lot

of enemies. Known to murder those who

stand in his way. Has a great brain and loves

being the bad guy. Attacks head on when

threaten'd. Sounds a lot like Pageviews to me.

Sales Guy- Iago (Othello)

A master of manipulation, Gaz

and Iago both got where they are by rid-

ing on the coattails of some greater men.

While Iago uses his silver tongue to

stab his leader in the back, it's tough to

see Sales Guy risking his lifestyle to take

out Dave anytime in the near future.

Big Cat- MacBeth (MacBeth)

Alas, poor Neil, kill'd by the one he most

trusted. All so the fiend could take claim of

Chicago for his own machinations.

Though even if the people say that this

regime is far superior to the

one of fair Neil, Big Cat will soon have to

face justice for this most vile murder.

Also MacBeth believes in ghosts like Dan.

Hank- Hamlet (Hamlet)

He means well but he can't get out of his
own way. 2 Man can often be said to
be struggling with his own sanity,
just like everyone's favorite sweet prince.
He causes plenty of damage with his
incompetence and has intense mental
debates about how he feel about those
who act as his overlord or best friend.

Trent- Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing)

It may seem mean to compareth Trent to

 the guard who speaks in total nonsense words

and is subject to total mockery,

but that is what he gets when he says that

his team won twenty one to twenty four.

Smitty- Gravedigger (Hamlet)

A true Shakespearean fool is a comm-

on man who spiteth in the face of his

superiors. A man who eats nothing

but canned tuna and farmer's market pas-

ta while his boss buys yet another horse

would qualify. The gravedigger is the

fools' GOAT and his scene with Hamlet is gold.

Smitty should consider this an honor.

Nate- witch (MacBeth)

I got nothing for Nate but this feels right.

Feitleberg- Falstaff (Merry Wives of Windsor/Henry IV)
One man is fat, lazy, and cowardly,
the other is Falstaff. This very vain
and jolly knight perfectly demonstrates
John's goal in life: put in as little ef-
fort as humanly possible but par-
ty all the time. They've got some easy lives.

KFC- Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet)

Mercutio is basically Shakespeare's

MC. He hurls clever insults at peo-

ple left and right, and never holds any-

thing back. He is the definition of

a player hater. Were he to release

a rap album, it would resemble Num-

bers Never Lie. Like KFC, the things

he loves will ultimately cause his death.

Kmarko- Feste (Twelfth Night)

Kmarko doesn't really have a true

comparison, since there aren't many droll

and deadpan characters in Shakespeare, so

I went with Feste, a fool who is known for

his rapier wit and willingness to mock

those in positions of authority.

No word on if Feste does football roundups.