5. The "Football is soft" crowd- While there are plenty of people who miss the Sean Taylor-esque bone crushing hits and are frustrated by the way the game is officiated (myself included), this is more regarding the people say football is soft because everyone passes so much. People who claim today's team aren't tough enough because they'd rather try for a high efficiency, high reward pass play over a 75% chance you don't gain more than 4 yards on the ground. Or that today's quarterbacks can't be compared to the days of old because they pass more so they have better numbers. I'll get into more of this type of thinking later, but it's so stupid. Of course teams pass more now, teams are better at passing now. The receiving talent is off the charts and sorry, Andrew Luck is a better passer than Fran Tarkenton was. Passing all over the field is (to me) more aesthetically pleasing and more exciting, particularly from a gambling perspective. The game is never over for either team. The rules changed to open the game up because the Mel Blount style of defense is archaic and kind of unfair. This doesn't make today's players soft. The chartered flights, personalized training regimens, and (non-guaranteed) multi-million dollar contracts make today's players soft. So wake up, grandpa, passing is good. This crowd is more of a minor annoyance than reason to have an aneurysm.
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4. Steroid warriors- This is mostly for baseball but applies to anyone who gets super outraged about steroids in any sport. Oh, wait, I forgot, baseball is pretty much the only sport where anyone cares about steroid use. But greenies are fine. Spitballs are just a clever way to get ahead. Whatever they did in the 1800s is cool. Just don't you dare do something that compromises the integrity of the game! Holier-than-thou baseball writers with a God complex just don't get it. You can't ignore an entire era of the game just because steroids made the players angry so they didn't talk to you. The Bonds steroid case was mana from Heaven for vindictive writers who were upset that the greatest baseball talent of all time somehow didn't treat you, you, the most important writer, nay, person to ever walk the face of the Earth, with the type of admiration and respect you so wholly deserve. After all, you write about baseball for a living. If you ask me, it's a toss up between the baseball writer who is bravely making a stand against the vile users of steroids (only the hitters, though. Who cares that every pitcher was juicing, too?) and Mother Teresa in the race to be the brightest paragon of human greatness. Get over yourselves, already. Just put an asterisk next to steroid users' names on their Hall of Fame plaque. Wow, just came up with a solution. But it doesn't make an example of the big bullies who threatened our holy and unimpeachable pastime, so it won't work. (Of course, the other side of this is the NFL, who is so lax on PED use it's borderline offensive. I mean, Peyton had his best season at age 78 after a million neck surgeries? Adrian Peterson misses like a quarter with a shredded knee and he has his best season? Really? And about 99% of the Seahawks roster has been busted for PEDs with literally zero repercussions. But good job, Roger.)
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3. Proponents of the "unwritten rules of baseball"- "Hey, guys I've got a good idea. Our sport is kind of struggling to appeal to young people, so let's publicly shame anyone who shows a shred of personality and chastise anyone who dares to possibly offend the ironclad morals of our stubborn, stuffy, out of touch writer's committee. Oh, and don't even think of 'showing a pitcher up,' because as a hitter, it's your job to hit the ball but also not make the pitcher feel inadequate. Always stay 'classy' and 'professional,' and, most importantly, 'boring!'" Yeah, great idea! Glad the rules from when Honus Wagner was dominating are still applicable today. If you hate things like bat flips, trash talk, walking on the wrong part of the field (walking across the mound might be the dumbest, nonsensical "rule" out there. If I was in the MLB I'd walk across every mound I saw then take my base when the crazed, idiotic pitcher threw at my head.), or bunting during a no hitter, then you can go to hell. Bat flips are awesome. Admiring home runs is awesome. Celebrations are awesome. Players with personalities that aren't just Jeterian robots are awesome. These foolish unwritten rules hurt the game. If I was a flashy young stud, why would I play baseball where I'll be punished for being myself? Why do you think Puig sucked this last season? Sure he was injured, but he was also beaten down by people that hated him for the sole reason that he didn't know enough to not show any emotion when something good happened. His spirit was taken away, so don't be surprised when he sucks again this season. The baseball writers and all the crappy pitchers who lean on the unwritten rulebook when they get shelled and shown up won. I wouldn't be surprised if during one of Puig's DL stints he was abducted and taken to the unwritten rules' secret underground church, where he was subjected to dark rituals and brainwashing. "Jeter good. Manny bad." Puig probably hears their creed in his sleep.
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2. "Analytics are bad, mmkay"- Now I'm getting fired up. The smarmy crowd who relishes in every Houston Rockets loss and jerks off to Charles Barkley's anti-analytics diatribe really, really annoy me. Most of them don't even understand what analytics are! It's just become the catch-all for any kind of stat. "You say Kobe is shooting 1-38 from the floor? Stop using analytics and watch the game!" Analytics just means you're using data to interpret players and situations in new ways. It really isn't rocket science. Sure, the calculation of some of the stats can seem that way, but if you actually understand what each stat is trying to prove, it's super easy to figure them out. The people who hate analytics are just afraid that they're too stupid to understand it, and at this point, I would probably agree with that. It doesn't take a degree in quantum physics to understand real plus minus. It takes a minuscule amount of effort to learn something new. "Me think player with most RBIs best hitter. Me don't understand simple stat like OPS+. Me don't think Joey Votto good. Man with numbers didn't play game so he no know anything." Hating analytics could look worse in 2016, but people still do it because people are idiots. "Oh, analytics don't work. It's all about punting on 4th down, swinging freely, and never shooting from beyond 10 feet. That's how you win." IF ANALYTICS DON'T WORK WHY ARE THEY STILL AROUND? Know who uses analytics? Literally every team that's won a major championship in the last decade. The Spurs, Mavericks, Red Sox, Blackhawks, and Patriots are all at the forefront of their respective sports in use of analytics. Wait, what's that? They have a combined 16 titles since 1999? Weird. Oh, you say the Astros are the most analytic franchise in the MLB, a league that fully embraces sabermetrics? And they just completed the fastest turnaround of all time? I wonder why that is. Sorry it isn't the 80s anymore when all that mattered was that men were men and nerds stayed in the dungeon. I would say I feel sorry for anyone who dislikes even the most basic stats, I can't really pity anyone who choses to be a braindead neanderthal.
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1. People who don't think Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time- This is it. This is the thing I lost my mind over. This is people putting their fingers in their ears and burying their heads in the sand while yelling about how the 80s and 90s were better and today sucks. This is just pure, utter ignorance of fact. It's so simple. Who do the desperate, nostalgic fools say is still better? Reggie Miller, Ray Allen, and my boy Larry Bird. Reggie's best season in terms of percentage was 42.1%. Ray's was 45.3%. Bird's was 42.7%. Assuming he maintains his current form, this will be Steph's third season of over 45%. Did I mention he's shooting over 10 3s a game this season? "I need to wait and see before I call him the best." Wait for what, exactly? For him to break the single season record for most makes? This season will be the third time he's done that. He's gonna be the all time leader in 3s by the time he's 31. His percentages are unreal considering the number of attempts, the difficulty of the shots (literally none of the other three consistently shot 3s off the dribble or from 30+ feet). "Last season was a fluke let's see him win some more titles before I call him best shooter ever." Oh, you mean like Ray Allen's championships that came past his prime, two of which came after he sold his sold and went ring chasing with Lebron? Oh, you mean all those titles Reggie Miller won? Oh, I forgot, when he played the league was better so it's acceptable to always come up small on the big stage. Bird is the only other one who's won a title as the best player on his team. But Bird is one of the six greatest players of all time. People can't separate best player from best shooter when they rush to try and make you feel stupid for "ignoring the past." We're only talking about shooting here, but even so, stop acting like Steph isn't already a Hall of Famer. Do people realize what kind of things he's doing this season on what's probably a top-2 team ever? "His numbers are only great because he shoots 3s every time. In my day, we were scared of the 3 point line and you were a pussy if you didn't go in the paint and get legally assaulted. I only respect players who got heavily concussed every game." Hmm, I wonder why Steph shoots so many 3s? Oh, I know! BECAUSE HE'S THE GREATEST 3 POINT SHOOTER OF ALL TIME! WHAT'S HE SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST IGNORE THE BEST PART OF HIS GAME? Here's a little math problem for all you people out there who don't think Curry is the best, because I've noticed there's a lot of overlap between the analytics haters and the people who say things like "basketball (or whatever sport) wasn't invented in the 2000s. It was better back then because I say so." What's a bigger number? 3 or 2? I know it's hard, but think. Would you rather have 3 points or 2 points? Man, this is tough. I need to meditate on this for a bit.
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Okay, I'm back. I think I'd rather have 3 points. I don't get why people have difficulty with this. It's not manly. WHO CARES? This year's Warriors would wipe the floor with the rough and tumble non-Bulls 90s team you all masturbate to. It wouldn't really be close. It's okay to think current athletes are great, while also recognizing that past athletes were great. It's freeing, really. It gets a weight off your chest. You don't have to automatically say old is better when basic numbers and the all-important eye test say otherwise. You also don't have to fall victim to the ebbs and flows of Twitter and blindly believe Kristaps Porzingis could take Hakeem Olajuwon in the post. It's okay to see both sides of the coin. It's not okay to be stupid.
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